Sunday, November 4, 2007

Julie's Entry 0002, Nov 04 2007

What began as an interesting conversation, ultimately lead to my current predicament. The previous entry dates back at least six months before it all started. The conversation was held over coffee at Caribou on Main.

“Do you ever think about spicing up your sex life?” he’d asked. At the time, I was dating a quaint engineer with a strong future lined up in automotive. The man I was talking with was a long time friend, someone I trusted to indulge me in any conversation he or I desired. This sex talk, however, was a switch. Sure, I had fantasized on occasion what it might be like to be with him, but I didn’t entertain it too much further than that.

“Why, do you think yours is boring?” I often wondered about his relationships, his booty-calls, and his conquests. He really could have anyone he wanted. His swagger alone would drag me to pull off my clothes. Most women’s eyes, I noticed, stopped at his package.

“No, my sex life is fine. I just wonder if there could be something more, something more real and honest.”

“Aren’t your conquests honest now?” I asked, knowing full well that they weren’t. And he knew I knew they weren’t. Goading him on was part of the fun.

“Honest enough for what they are, Jules, but what I’m talking about is more primitive than that, more ethereal even.”

“Well, what then, pray tell, are you talking about?”

BDSM.”

He said it so fast I though he was using some new texting slang. I stared and he repeated, with explanation.

“BDSM. As in, bondage, discipline, sadism, masochism. Ever hear of it?”

Had I! Every book I owned to lead me into masturbatory pleasure had to do with it. Every time I read one sent me into Catholic guilt. I had the most powerful orgasms reading them and the most profound guilt over them. I had long ago cast off the net of organized religion, but somehow the sex teachings kept hold. In all my encounters with men, never had I had orgasms as powerful as the ones I created with my books from Chimera.

I had, though, entertained this man, my best friend, as the deliverer of various scenarios in those books.

“Jules? Julie? Are you going to get back to me here?”

I must have looked glazed over, as if someone had just found my stash of BDSM books. “Well, to be honest, I have heard of it before. I’m not sure I want to discuss it with you though.”

“No problem. Let’s try what our favorite sports stars are up to instead.”

And he began a litany of stats about our local favorite teams. I sat and added commentary occasionally, but mostly I wondered why he would ask me about reality and honesty in sex.